I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
