It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the day after is always just damage control
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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