When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
