she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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