problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
