I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
