um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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