I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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