So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
