wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
