Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
