if only i could text you this smell
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
