She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
