I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
