im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize