Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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