I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
