I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
