man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
