i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
