on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well I just put wine in my tea
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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