his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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