I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
