take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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