so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
