Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
