I'm so fucking centered right now
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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