The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I could fuck to npr.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
