I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
