If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
