dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I understand Curling. That high.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
