We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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