Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
