I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
