and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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