He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
