whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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