I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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