i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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