i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
