I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
