You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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