Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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