im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
