eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
