So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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