btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
