Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
