I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize