he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
