she woke up with a sticky ear
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
