i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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