it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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