umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
