what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Randomize
