I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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