I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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