I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
