dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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