Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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