I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
