so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
