i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
