so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
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So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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