I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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