When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
