These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
