I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize