Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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