Since when is my name a synonym for head?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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