Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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