no, he came in my armpit
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
