the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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