Me too!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
